I Bet You Don't Curse God - Christina Grimmie Cover

In honor of Christina Grimmie, here's another cover video. I dedicate this song to the heartbreaking tragedies in Orlando this past weekend. I give the deepest condolences to the families and friends who lost their loved ones.

Long Time No Talk. How Have You Been?

Hey everyone, how have you all been? 

It kind of astonishes my mind that my last blog post here was over a year ago. Busyness might be one reason, but another might be the writer's block (or a lack of reason to write altogether). So much has changed between the moment I started this blog and between the many gaps of not posting. Whenever I log in to this website, I still see my friend blogging and that inspires me. 

So just to fill in the gaps of my life, I've been attending Queens College for the past 3 years now. 3 years just flew by and I will be a senior this fall. I ended up majoring in economics. I've been told since high school that if I picked x, y, or z careers, it will be challenging to find jobs. I've grown to become less weary about those fears. I trust that God can take me anywhere. I've picked up and learned many soft and hard skills in my last two internships. This is the first summer where my plans revolve around...work. I am now in real estate and God only knows where this journey will take me next. 

Besides work experience, college also offered me room to grow in student life. In the past year, I committed to helping out the Christian club on my campus (Cru). It wasn't all daisies in a pretty meadow. However, when I stumbled or felt discouraged from time to time, God always revealed Himself faithful. I grew in different ways each semester. In the fall, I experienced the joy of fellowship, friendship, and family in the body of Christ. In the spring, I experienced solitude, refining growth through the flames, and the fulfillment of a vision I prayed for the year before. I had prayed for all the Christian clubs on my campus to collaborate and be united and a year later, it really happened! 

So maybe I can't recap the most concise, elaborate summary of everything that went on in my life since Jan 2015. I lost my both my best friend and my grandmother. I encountered joy and laughter, anger and sorrow, and friendships and loneliness. I could say that 2015 was the hardest year of my life, yet not know what is ahead of me. 

If life only had the good and none of the pain, how can we appreciate the good times? The past year was a tug of war between depression and mourning— and attempting to keep a normal front to everyone around me. There's a reason that seasons exist, in order to signal changing times of the year and the type of weather we'll have. 

"Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door." Matthew 24:33

If I had to describe my life in exactly one word, I'd choose: bittersweet. While the seasons change for me, here is one verse I will reassure myself with. 

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

Do Not Feel Defeated

Do not feel defeated.

Do not feel defeated. 

The battle isn't over yet. The enemy wants you to feel like you've lost everything, but you have a bigger God who already owns the victory.

Hold on to faith. Fight the good fight of faith. All things work for the GOOD of those who love him. Stand strong until the end. This is not for you. This is for the glory of your Father in heaven. He loves you. He wants you to win and stand in triumph together with him. You are not alone. You are not abandoned. You will overcome. 

All Partings and Goodbyes

It didn't hit me until now... 

I'm close with all these friends who eventually want to leave the country in the future.

It makes me sad, but for unconditional love, I shall let them go (obviously).

It was my prime goal....to stay in NY for the fact that all my friends are there. Suddenly, reality snapped at me when one of my closest friends said that she was thinking of moving to Korea or Japan. I remembered even earlier this year one of my other friends said that she wanted to go back to China.



So there's my reality. As much as I love these friends and as much as they may love me, our fates cross at some point and then our encounter shall have depart. Like lines crossed on another, they shall have their separation.

It's alright. It's a part of life. Whether I like it or not, all people come and go, not because friendships or the love has died, but because everyone is called to a unique destiny.

That's fine with me.

When I first entered high school, I made the biggest oath to never get close with anyone or call anyone "best friend." I turned my back on all my personal promises when I started to fall in love with these people. I made such a young promise to myself because all the best friends I knew eventually became mere friends, who gradually became acquaintances that inevitably turned into strangers.

Only the love of God can last. People may part and separate for the longest time. Only in the time in between can we call out our truest friends.

I humbly bid my goodbyes, even though we're just in different colleges now. Soon after, they will move to where they feel they belong. Goodbye best friends. You have given me the happiest memories and the best years of high school. I will always you. I hope you don't forget me.

Now, I've got nothing to lose if I move as far as California.

Despite the hurt, I do not give up

It’s weird how drastically fate can alter things in so little time. How the people dear to your heart are suddenly catapulted a million miles away. How the one who you sincerely trusted rapidly becomes an enemy. Despite a short distance, they have become unreachable, because they no longer want to be reached by you. Whatever days that shone brightly with the sun somehow turns into a period of gloom and darkness. Whatever conversations that were once saturated with laughter and bonding of friendship, abruptly shifts into a shudder of silence. 

I should have learned from life’s lessons long before. I should have recognized the patterns that life’s trials have thrown my way. I should have been calloused by the embitterment of disappointment and pain. 

Such unfortunate occasions should have destroyed my ability to open and trust. 

Nonetheless, as broken as the world is, as imperfect as humanity is, as foolish as my heart is, I do not give up on the hope, power, and love of God that can fix, heal, and save all things.

Lord,

When your spirit wants me to be silent, may he teach me and speak to my heart. When your spirit wants me to speak, may your points be set across and known. God, please speak to me and speak through me. Thank you, Jesus. 

Keep In Note

Note.

I have to keep praying.

Note.

I have to keep my head up to the heavens.

Note.

I should know that I belong to God.

Note.

I should guard my heart.

Note.

God’s anointing will be my GUIDE.

Note.

Let the Holy Spirit direct my every step.

Note.

My life is for and always will be — FOR GOD!!

Note.

Praise Yeshua, always.

"Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God...For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:1-2, 5-6 NIV)

One of the things I hate most about being sick at the throat.....

Is that it gets in the way of my singing.

It makes me sound like a frog.

Kay, thanks a lot.

God Holds Our Lives Together

Even when it seems like our lives are rolling on a thread above a canyon, God still firmly holds us. When we ask, seek, and knock, God will provide. Miracles follow after faith. When we open up the doors to what God can do in our lives, the revelations of His power transcends all anticipation. When we call on God and lay our troubles at His feet, He can be our solid rock and unshakable foundation. God has our backs. He will always support those faithful to Him. ♥

Philippians 4:6-7 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Sometimes, I believe the internet eats me up and there is no time spared for good use at the end of the day.

Once you know the TRUTH about life, everything becomes different.

It's time to take the blow horn and let your voice be heard

Many people are afraid to speak their minds. A great deal of people don't know it. The generation becomes internally and sheepishly deprived. People follow compromise with the valued opinions, imposed by the world. I've seen people embolden conformity, instead of individuality. This happens to teenagers [and all people alike] everyday. It's as if there's a big voice that tells us what to buy, what music to listen to, what to indulge in, and basically wraps us around in a shape of facade. I understand that in all history, people were always encouraged to move forward, create new things, rebuild new eras of art and technology. Nonetheless, people work so hard in achieving the exterior and tend to neglect the interior. The mistake is that we focus on climbing the ladder of apparent importance, but we forget the importance inside of us. Considering how influential our surrounding society is, we've unconsciously become puppets bound and tied by strings attached to our limbs. We lose the voice within us and based on experience, that has happened to me too. Inside, life rushes through our veins and a heart pumps to breathe the soul.

Jesus said in Matthew 23:26, "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."

For the last couple of years, I've been so preoccupied with all this school work, but that's simply unavoidable. The part that was gradually lost in me, was the passion and inspiration to write. I became discouraged and apprehensive, that my writing probably isn't good enough, or no one will ever care about what I have to say. The reason can't simply be the excuse of the ol' classic "writer's block." Yet in the last few weeks, just two people I knew started asking me, if I had been writing. I told them the sheer truth that I really wasn't — but then they encouraged me, kindly telling me that I have a gift. They said the same exact words. I never even imagined that it could be a gift of mine, believing that my writing was bland. I'm truly grateful for their thoughtful words.

This time, I'll make sure that I give my insights on life's profound lessons, while applying the written Wisdom of my greatest Counselor; the Bible. Some writing styles are intelligent with all their sprinkled, fancy words. Now I realize, that I don't need to know every word of a college professor's vocabulary. I just need to speak from my heart. (But of course, I will need to learn more as I read on. I have yet to study SAT words.) I encourage you, to do the same. We were all given mouths and ears for a reason. :)

Now, I can only be sure of one thing. My purpose: through writing, through speech, in love and truth — is to tell the world about Jesus Christ.

Matthew 28:19-20 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

We can't ignore all the differences we're capable of making. Our age does not dictate what we do.

2 Timothy 4:12 "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

Ephesians 4:15 "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

God is my leader and my author all the way.

I don't know, if anyone cared to read this, but if you read this far, I'd like to sincerely thank you!

God bless you! :')

I painted His name, in my unoccupied time.
I wanted my first timeline photo cover to be about God.
Original photo taken and credited: Joel Sjaarda

Excited to see God.

When I told my friends about the typical Christian dream…seeing God or waiting for Jesus’ return, my friend joked, “No offense, but it sounds like you can’t wait to die.” I responded, “Sure, but not in the suicidal way.”

It’s just…when you love God so much, why wouldn’t you be excited to meet your Creator face to face? I value my God so much, that He is my life. My physical life is just a limited time for a mission in line, and a step to the eternity up ahead.

Matthew 16:25 “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”

Whatever He wills for me, I shall follow. I realized that He has a whole pocket of plans for me and my life will not go uneventful or wasted. I have this enthusiasm to come home, or to witness the glorious arrival of God, but until then, I’m going to do what God calls me to do on earth. I will go through the farthest extents to proclaim Christ’s name out there and try to reach these souls to the truth. On that day, I can’t wait to fall at God’s feet in the end and just cry and thank Him for all He’s done. To see His face, His light, and His glory….what an indescribable delight that would be. ♥

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 22:4 “They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.”

My heart feels so eager...I'm waiting...I'm waiting on the hope of this miracle.

The power of God is just so overwhelming and amazing!

For as long as I can remember, I've always been praying for my closest friends who don't know about Christ. Today just seemed like another typical day where my friends and I would hang out and fool around. Two of my friends came over to my house. One of them was a new believer in Christ and the other friend was an open minded person, who wondered about faith. We anticipated on watching Netflix and making fun of horror movies. I scrolled through the Netflix page and something caught my eye. "Oh my gosh, it's the Passion of Christ!" I exclaimed. Without hesitation, I said, "We should see it! But I have to warn you that it's pretty intense and graphic." I knew Jessy would have appreciated it, but I was hoping Vivian wouldn't freak out. Over an hour passed by and we reached the scene of the crucifixion. As powerful as it is, none of us could resist crying. My dad called for dinner and brought us to Olive Garden. The movie, unfortunately, had to be discontinued. The hours passed by as we ate and hung out in a mall. Surely time wasn't wasted. God made a way through our conversations. We kept talking about dreams and the reality of life. We ended up talking about spirits and demons. I explained as much as I could about the Bible and the gospel. As my parents drove my friends home, my friend (unsure of faith) finally said, "I should get a Bible." The words rang in my ears and my heart felt like flying. I chimed in joy, "Yeah! I could buy one for you!" When my parents dropped her home, I slightly jumped from my seat in the car, while silently screaming and clapping my hands. I rejoiced because this was the gradual planting of the seed. I thanked the Lord, because He's just so good. Obviously, God would never turn down another lost sheep. He'll always manage to bring them into the Shepherd's arms. Praise God, praise God, praise God!!!

If you're reading this post now, please do me a favor and pray for my friend. I pray that through her curiosity in life beyond death and in the Bible, that she'll find the truth in Jesus Christ. Thank you in advanced. :')

The one time I confess one of my possible career choices...

My friends laugh at me.... XD Hah, I really don't blame them though. It does seem out of the ordinary anyway. How many people would ever choose such a direction? I've told my friends numerous times, that after dropping my dream of "becoming a lawyer" I skeptically told them...that I really didn't know what I want to be anymore. But for a long while now, I've always had the thought to become...a pastor, a missionary, or something in between the lines there. I love talking about God and teaching His Word never tires me out. On a lousy day, a conversation's topic on God revives me. Ever since last year, God somehow used me to start openly speaking His name on my high school grounds. When people told I should be a pastor one day, I just laughed and said, "Nah, maybe not."

For months long, I've prayed about my future. The words throbbed in my mind and heart, "Lord, I still don't know what I should be. I know no matter where I am or what I do, I'm supposed to be honoring you. I wish I can directly hear Your voice, like the people did, long before Christ. If I can hear your directly command me to pursue something, I will do it instantly without hesitation. I love You God, so much."

Just two nights ago, I felt a strong urge to turn to God in prayer. It was a long time, since I took a moment to pray aloud from my heart. I always ended up praying silently in my mind. I wanted to meditate and embrace my Bible. I just prayed to God about the current things happening and then...I suddenly cried about my unknown future. Instead of praying what I would be, I just prayed that God could take care of everything.

I started reading at Romans 10. I smiled at the verse which I had highlighted and starred: Romans 10:13. Then the next few lines...were just breathtaking. I read, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?" (Rom 10:14) My mind shouted, "Amen!" "...And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" (Rom 10:14-16) I started weeping even more from that point. No matter how long or short it takes, God will always answer your prayers. Be patient, because He doesn't mean to leave you hanging. He just wants to answer you at the right moment. That night, I felt like that was God's command, speaking to me from His word. God really does speak in different ways. And I feel like these are one of the many amazing moments, when God's word will directly speak to you.
Today at the lunch table, my friend Sameena said, "Well, I don't know what Dara will do, but I'm sure she'll find out one day. We never know, she might pursue something under religion." At that point, I broke all suppression and let out my confession. "Actually...I did think of something. To tell you the truth, I thought of one day becoming a pastor." Both my friends started laughing, ironically even my Christian friend (Sameena). I smiled, because I knew I'd get such a reaction. I jokingly and bluntly asked, "What?!" Then Sameena said, "Well, it's possible." Then my other friend remarked, "What? I never see any pastors who are girls. They're all men." I responded, "Oh gosh, Mabel. You don't know. The generations have changed. There are many female pastors out there today."

So the idea is overwhelming in my head. With God, you must always expect the unexpected, but always know that it is good. I don't know if I'll ever be a pastor per se, but I pray that I can do something worthwhile for as long as I'm on this earth. I feel like it's kind of awkward to call it a "career" but rather a passion. I'd gladly go to Bible school, because I know I have so much yet to learn. The Word of God is my breath and Jesus Christ is my love and life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me one day. ♥

If you're reading this, please do pray for me. :) I know I'm growing up and still have a lot more to face in life.

Indirect Evangelism

I'm always the kid in school, managing to ramble on a conversation about God. It doesn't matter who it's with. I'd always end up talking about Him, even in the school grounds. It's obvious, that whoever's around me will hear the things I say. Lately, I touched the topic about the end of the world. Just in the last week, a friend came to me and asked me if I could explain it a little more, which I happily did. We were sitting in the cafeteria table. I was too ecstatic, that I completely neglected to eat my pizza.

As our conversation went on, she told me, "Oh, I should get a bible," with a smile on her face. "Yeah, you should!" I excitedly exclaimed. I questioned out of curiosity, "Do your parents go to church?" She replied, "No, they're Buddhist." I was shocked in the inside, because I assumed that she was already Christian, just curious with questions. In that very moment, I thanked the Lord inside my head and thought, "Lord, please continue to work in her." She laughed and told me, "My grandma is Buddhist. I wonder what my grandma would think if I changed my religion. She might get mad." I smiled and then said, "You know, a lot of people tend to just follow the traditions and religions that their families have already chosen. What I can say is that what matters is what you believe in. Jesus Christ said that He is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through him, in John 14:6." Then I quoted the well known John 3:16 verse and explained that to be born again and to see the kingdom [John 3:3], you just have to put faith in the Son. I talked about the whole purpose in becoming a new creation in Christ and letting go of the old, carnal, sinful nature. 

I promised her that once I had the money, I'd buy her a Bible myself. As soon as our lunch period was over, we walked down the hall together. Before walking into her class, she thanked me and I said, "You're welcome." I walked off, in a joyous daze, because I witnessed another miracle before my eyes. God does the most amazing things in the most unexpected times, and He'll use anybody; regular people like you and me. Little did I know that she was raised as a Buddhist. It was practically indirect evangelism. I thought it was a very beautiful moment.

Just earlier this week, she asked me further questions about the end times. I pulled out my Bible and we read from Revelations 20. I accidentally distracted myself when many other people spoke to me in the lunch table. She pulled my Bible and began reading herself. I saw that she was truly inspired. I just kept thanking God in my head, knowing that He is surely molding her. I offered her to borrow my bible (since I still can't buy one) and she accepted to take it. 

Witnessing another life touched by Jesus Christ, is always the most beautiful and exciting thing. God is good. God is so good!

2 Peter 3:8-9 "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

I surrendered

I stayed home today. I was too overwhelmed, plus that fever really hindered me. Hopefully, missing school today won't kill me for next week. As far as I know...I got 4 essays to do by the end of this weekend, plus another essay by next Friday. I cannot wait until winter "break." But even then, it's not really much of a break if the teachers will pour an avalanche of homework on me. This is my junior year [yet I know college will be worst]. *sigh* Well, this is the beautiful life. The ironic part is, I'm not saying that with sarcasm. No matter what you face, you still have got to find the beauty in life. And the beauty is the fact that God woke you up to another day and that He is always in control. It's in the hands of God that I find my eternal, endless hope. Thank you Jesus Christ. ♥