Despite the hurt, I do not give up

It’s weird how drastically fate can alter things in so little time. How the people dear to your heart are suddenly catapulted a million miles away. How the one who you sincerely trusted rapidly becomes an enemy. Despite a short distance, they have become unreachable, because they no longer want to be reached by you. Whatever days that shone brightly with the sun somehow turns into a period of gloom and darkness. Whatever conversations that were once saturated with laughter and bonding of friendship, abruptly shifts into a shudder of silence. 

I should have learned from life’s lessons long before. I should have recognized the patterns that life’s trials have thrown my way. I should have been calloused by the embitterment of disappointment and pain. 

Such unfortunate occasions should have destroyed my ability to open and trust. 

Nonetheless, as broken as the world is, as imperfect as humanity is, as foolish as my heart is, I do not give up on the hope, power, and love of God that can fix, heal, and save all things.

A Glimpse of Yesterday

It amazes me how fast time can fly.It seems like yesterday I had just turned thirteen.I was miserable, knowing that I was going to move away from Great Neck on my very birthday and reluctantly say goodbye to my friends.I was this immature, ignorant, and somewhat selfish girl moving into College Point.It was like a whole "new" world which I had come from several months ago.Yet,I was a stranger.I felt like I had lost everything.I thought that it was all just going downhill for me and that there was no way of turning things around.I knew I was going into one of those NYC middle schools and that really made me upset.I certainly did not like the new place we moved in.I just simply resented...everything.My life in Great Neck was great.Nothing else more or less to say.I was content.I loved my school and I liked my friends.I loved the cute little cottage we lived in and I appreciated the quietness in the area.But I guess my convenience was all I could ever see in the life I had back there.Sure,that's what my life was all about.I live day in and day out.I sleep,eat,pray,get through school,and etc.It was oh-so-peaceful-and-mellow.But my eyes didn't capture the true meaning in living since that was all I could see.At the time of moving into College Point,I knew things wouldn't be the same.It made me foolishly grieve.I couldn't see that God was working in the midst of all this.I was so blind.In December later that year 2008,I was adjusting to my new school J.H.S. 185 or as I'd like to call it,"Bleeker Middle School."I was struggling with many things.No one wanted to be friends with me in class.Everything was just simply hard to cut the story off short.My parents met a pastor who visited our church.He was preaching to us and I was amazed on how he knew so many Bible verses by heart.He convicted me to read the Holy Bible more,because the truth was I didn't read it at all.I only read it when I "felt" like it.I didn't take much interest in it,so I barely knew it.I didn't even know that my faith in God wasn't religion.It's simply getting to know Him personally and building a relationship with Him.I didn't even understand who the Holy Spirit was and what's his purpose.So in the beginning of January 2009,I opened up my "neglected" Bible and decided that I would start reading in the book of Matthew in the New Testament.And you know what?Yeshua's(Jesus) words truly amazed me.I found His parables and use of figurative language so beautiful. From that moment on,I began to broad my mind and see things in ways that I haven't seen before.I began to see the world in a different way and I knew nothing could ever possibly attack this faith that I built.I knew that the Holy Spirit was truly moving me in my life.Certain old habits finally vanished.I was made brand new.I began to smile more and life was somehow made easier to deal with because of this new perspective.Every single time I had to cry out for God's help,He would answer, like the wonderful Father He is.And up until now,I still have this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart knowing that the wonderful Creator of this universe in mindful of me.After being a horrible, foolish, proud, judgmental, and heartless jerk,I thought it would be impossible for God to actually take me back.BUT I WAS SO WRONG!God's mercies can't even be measured.We just have to take it before it's too late.Because there will be a time where God will judge the living and the dead.I know that this all happened within one year.But man does time fly fast!It felt like just yesterday, when this all happened.But God has done so much for me in this little time.And I know He will do so much more in the following year.Today,I'm officially fourteen years old!I'm so excited for what's yet to come is God's will in my life.I'm just so grateful to know Yahweh.In this short time I've fallen in so much love with God and I've come to an understanding that it's Him who deserves all the praise that the world He created can possibly give.I'm merely a human being,born again through my faith and through the baptism of God's spirit.I have a lot to praise God for and I must not forget who I was back then when God first chose me to be His.My memories from last year felt like it all happened just yesterday.So no,I will not forget this glimpse of yesterday.

No Worries & No Sweat

I remembered last December I was given a high school application to apply for high schools.My eyes grew wide for I never expected I'd ever do such a thing.I was underneath a lot of pressure and I thought my whole life would depend on it.I signed up for the best schools in Queens.I applied for Benjamin Cardozo,Francis Lewis,Bayside,and then Townsend Harris.I prayed hard to God that I wouldn't end up in my zoned school Flushing High School because I heard a rumor that it was a horrible and dangerous school.A few months later we got our high school results.Mr. Fleischman the guidance counselor came to our room and he announced that he was holding the high school results.Gasps filled the room.Everyone was anxious and scared at the same time.He called every student in alphabetical order.Sometimes I resent having a last name that starts with the letter S.So when he finally called me I felt my heart pound extremely fast and my whole body trembling.I can't tell what made me tremble more,the cold temperature in the classroom or the fear of not getting into a good high school.So I hesitantly took the envelope and went back to my seat.When he called the last student he said,"You may open them".I quickly opened mine, anxious and scared all at once.And there I saw it.I was put into the supplementary level along with 24 other students who didn't get into a high school.I cried hard in front of everyone not caring of what they thought.Rosa and Isabella came to me with sympathy.They patted me on the back and said that everything would be okay.So I applied for the second time with only Bayside and Francis Lewis available.They were the only good schools left.I lived by faith hoping I would get into one of those two schools.I prayed hard again in my mind saying Lord God I don't know what your will is.But whatever it is just let it be done.I shall follow wherever you lead me no matter how hard it will be.I will cling to you.Just please let me go into a good high school.And if you can't do that then protect me if I do have to go the horrible high school....Flushing High School.I know life can be tough,but my burdens are nothing compared to yours.Thank You Lord God for never leaving nor forsaking me.In Jesus Name I pray,Amen.Today May 1, 2009, during Science Mrs. Capitini got a phone call from Mr. Fleischman saying that he needed to see me and a few other people.So we all came to Mr. Fleischman's office and he smiled at all of us.As he handed the envelopes to each of us he named the high school we were going to.I was breathing heavily and silently because I was so nervous.When he called me he said,"Congratulations Dara you're going to Bayside High School!"I sighed in relief and said,"Oh thank God!"Right now I am so happy!I'm actually going to Bayside!!!!!God is wonderful.He would never turn down someone who desperately needs Him.I know that when troubles come my Father in heaven up high will take good care of me.He does the same to all His other children.And He'll do the same to anyone who calls upon His name.Just put your faith in Him and He will light the way through your darkness.

Moving On...

Yesterday I was going over to a friend's house.My friend picked me up around 12 in the afternoon.Then we passed by a neighborhood,that seemed somehow unfamiliar.In my mind I thought Hmm...I've probably never been in this neighborhood before.Then the car stopped at a red light.Something caught my eyes.It struck me right there.I gasped silently as I stared at QCAC which stands for Queens Christian Alliance Church.I thought Could it be really what I think it is?Is this the place?Is this what I think it is?Or is it just some church that happens to have the same name?But I finally came to my senses that this was the place.Because I saw an apartment building the block next to it that looked familiar.Memories flood back into my mind.I thought about the parties and the celebrations.The gift exchanging.But there was more...playing in the snow,running and exploring that big building.I remembered it all.I felt overwhelmed thinking about childhood memories.Especially now that I am a teenager!!It still surprises me today that I'm 13 years old.Pretty soon I'm going off to high school.I'm a little heart broken about the split up of IFC(International Fellowship Church),but I know that these certain things happen because it's all a part of a bigger and better plan of God.When problems seem to crash in your life,remember that the most high God is in control.When problems occur remember that God has something better in store for you.You just need to find out what it is.We live and we learn.So we always have to keep moving on.