My friends laugh at me.... XD Hah, I really don't blame them though. It does seem out of the ordinary anyway. How many people would ever choose such a direction? I've told my friends numerous times, that after dropping my dream of "becoming a lawyer" I skeptically told them...that I really didn't know what I want to be anymore. But for a long while now, I've always had the thought to become...a pastor, a missionary, or something in between the lines there. I love talking about God and teaching His Word never tires me out. On a lousy day, a conversation's topic on God revives me. Ever since last year, God somehow used me to start openly speaking His name on my high school grounds. When people told I should be a pastor one day, I just laughed and said, "Nah, maybe not."
For months long, I've prayed about my future. The words throbbed in my mind and heart, "Lord, I still don't know what I should be. I know no matter where I am or what I do, I'm supposed to be honoring you. I wish I can directly hear Your voice, like the people did, long before Christ. If I can hear your directly command me to pursue something, I will do it instantly without hesitation. I love You God, so much."
Just two nights ago, I felt a strong urge to turn to God in prayer. It was a long time, since I took a moment to pray aloud from my heart. I always ended up praying silently in my mind. I wanted to meditate and embrace my Bible. I just prayed to God about the current things happening and then...I suddenly cried about my unknown future. Instead of praying what I would be, I just prayed that God could take care of everything.
I started reading at Romans 10. I smiled at the verse which I had highlighted and starred: Romans 10:13. Then the next few lines...were just breathtaking. I read, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?" (Rom 10:14) My mind shouted, "Amen!" "...And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" (Rom 10:14-16) I started weeping even more from that point. No matter how long or short it takes, God will always answer your prayers. Be patient, because He doesn't mean to leave you hanging. He just wants to answer you at the right moment. That night, I felt like that was God's command, speaking to me from His word. God really does speak in different ways. And I feel like these are one of the many amazing moments, when God's word will directly speak to you.
Today at the lunch table, my friend Sameena said, "Well, I don't know what Dara will do, but I'm sure she'll find out one day. We never know, she might pursue something under religion." At that point, I broke all suppression and let out my confession. "Actually...I did think of something. To tell you the truth, I thought of one day becoming a pastor." Both my friends started laughing, ironically even my Christian friend (Sameena). I smiled, because I knew I'd get such a reaction. I jokingly and bluntly asked, "What?!" Then Sameena said, "Well, it's possible." Then my other friend remarked, "What? I never see any pastors who are girls. They're all men." I responded, "Oh gosh, Mabel. You don't know. The generations have changed. There are many female pastors out there today."
So the idea is overwhelming in my head. With God, you must always expect the unexpected, but always know that it is good. I don't know if I'll ever be a pastor per se, but I pray that I can do something worthwhile for as long as I'm on this earth. I feel like it's kind of awkward to call it a "career" but rather a passion. I'd gladly go to Bible school, because I know I have so much yet to learn. The Word of God is my breath and Jesus Christ is my love and life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me one day. ♥
If you're reading this, please do pray for me. :) I know I'm growing up and still have a lot more to face in life.
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