A Glimpse of Yesterday

It amazes me how fast time can fly.It seems like yesterday I had just turned thirteen.I was miserable, knowing that I was going to move away from Great Neck on my very birthday and reluctantly say goodbye to my friends.I was this immature, ignorant, and somewhat selfish girl moving into College Point.It was like a whole "new" world which I had come from several months ago.Yet,I was a stranger.I felt like I had lost everything.I thought that it was all just going downhill for me and that there was no way of turning things around.I knew I was going into one of those NYC middle schools and that really made me upset.I certainly did not like the new place we moved in.I just simply resented...everything.My life in Great Neck was great.Nothing else more or less to say.I was content.I loved my school and I liked my friends.I loved the cute little cottage we lived in and I appreciated the quietness in the area.But I guess my convenience was all I could ever see in the life I had back there.Sure,that's what my life was all about.I live day in and day out.I sleep,eat,pray,get through school,and etc.It was oh-so-peaceful-and-mellow.But my eyes didn't capture the true meaning in living since that was all I could see.At the time of moving into College Point,I knew things wouldn't be the same.It made me foolishly grieve.I couldn't see that God was working in the midst of all this.I was so blind.In December later that year 2008,I was adjusting to my new school J.H.S. 185 or as I'd like to call it,"Bleeker Middle School."I was struggling with many things.No one wanted to be friends with me in class.Everything was just simply hard to cut the story off short.My parents met a pastor who visited our church.He was preaching to us and I was amazed on how he knew so many Bible verses by heart.He convicted me to read the Holy Bible more,because the truth was I didn't read it at all.I only read it when I "felt" like it.I didn't take much interest in it,so I barely knew it.I didn't even know that my faith in God wasn't religion.It's simply getting to know Him personally and building a relationship with Him.I didn't even understand who the Holy Spirit was and what's his purpose.So in the beginning of January 2009,I opened up my "neglected" Bible and decided that I would start reading in the book of Matthew in the New Testament.And you know what?Yeshua's(Jesus) words truly amazed me.I found His parables and use of figurative language so beautiful. From that moment on,I began to broad my mind and see things in ways that I haven't seen before.I began to see the world in a different way and I knew nothing could ever possibly attack this faith that I built.I knew that the Holy Spirit was truly moving me in my life.Certain old habits finally vanished.I was made brand new.I began to smile more and life was somehow made easier to deal with because of this new perspective.Every single time I had to cry out for God's help,He would answer, like the wonderful Father He is.And up until now,I still have this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart knowing that the wonderful Creator of this universe in mindful of me.After being a horrible, foolish, proud, judgmental, and heartless jerk,I thought it would be impossible for God to actually take me back.BUT I WAS SO WRONG!God's mercies can't even be measured.We just have to take it before it's too late.Because there will be a time where God will judge the living and the dead.I know that this all happened within one year.But man does time fly fast!It felt like just yesterday, when this all happened.But God has done so much for me in this little time.And I know He will do so much more in the following year.Today,I'm officially fourteen years old!I'm so excited for what's yet to come is God's will in my life.I'm just so grateful to know Yahweh.In this short time I've fallen in so much love with God and I've come to an understanding that it's Him who deserves all the praise that the world He created can possibly give.I'm merely a human being,born again through my faith and through the baptism of God's spirit.I have a lot to praise God for and I must not forget who I was back then when God first chose me to be His.My memories from last year felt like it all happened just yesterday.So no,I will not forget this glimpse of yesterday.

I Am Here With You

Just last week I had an orientation at Bayside High School.Everything seemed fine until I arrived at my soon-to-be high school.When I finally saw it my eyes grew big.The building was huge!It made me feel so small and weak.I was afraid, nervous, and overwhelmed.When it was time to go inside my friends and I went to the auditorium where the speech was held.There the staff talked about what we would expect as freshman students.I was all the more afraid because they made it sound so stressful.They said that we need to pass every regents and earn at least 44 high school credits in order to graduate high school.When the tours began luckily my friends and I stuck together and weren't separated.But as we took a tour I saw how big the school was in the inside and that terrified me even more.The staircase was so complicated,it felt like a maze.The tour guide said that if we were late for class the teacher can mark us absent.I gulped real hard.I was so scared that next year I would get lost and never find my way.I was in a daze.I felt like I was floating and everything was unreal.I felt like it was all a dream.I bit my tongue for a reality check and realized that it was all real.Finally after a long day I returned home.Worries seemed to fog up my mind as I came to my room.I started crying realizing that I'm not a little kid anymore and that life isn't some joke.Suddenly,I didn't want to leave middle school.I was afraid of growing up.Besides high school I worried what would happen after the next four years?Where will I be?What's going to be my career?But most importantly,what does God have in store for me?My head started hurting immensely as I thought so hard in my brain.Then I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon just praying to God.As I prayed to God the whole world seemed to fade away and all that mattered was the conversation between me and Him.I knew deep down inside that only God could heal my pain and ease my worries.I started talking to Him,asking for guidance, wisdom, strength, faith, and endurance.I asked Him to protect me for the upcoming high school years.I asked for Christian friends who I can trust.But throughout the prayer I asked for Him to tell me that He would never leave nor forsake me.I know deep down that He would never do that,but I still wanted to hear those words from Him.As I prayed to God I cried so much because I didn't want to lose Him.I asked Him to stay with me during the future trials.I said that I needed Him more than ever.Then after all that crying I finally felt something touch my soul.I opened up my eyes.Like a faint whisper in the wind I heard God's voice.Deep in my heart and soul I felt Holy Spirit say "I am here with you".I cried tears of joy knowing that God would never leave nor forsake me.He assured me that He will stay by my side through all of my life.I remember a verse that I read a few months ago.In Matthew 6:34 it says,"Don't worry about tomorrow.Tomorrow will worry about itself.Each day has enough trouble of its own".So I'll just go with the flow and rely on God through everything,because I know He is here with me just like every other Christian who are going through trials.It reminds me that through the obstacles we face on this journey that God the creator of this universe is in control of everything.God has promised to take good care of me.I have nothing to fear and that's puts a smile on my face.

All A Part of God's Big Plan

When you look back in life,was there ever a time where you felt like there's no hope and there's no point in living?When troubles pound so hard in your life,so hard that at one point your life feels so worthless?I'm pretty sure we've all been there before.Today I woke up at 9 in the morning feeling lethargic as ever.I never expected what was coming on this day.So the whole morning I just relaxed and then took a shower.Then when it was past noon my parents came.(My parents and I live in separate houses)My mom bursted the door opened and shocked me after I was sitting relaxed by the computer.She said "Get ready Dara!We're going to church!"My dad came and asked if I took a shower and I nodded.I mumbled,"Mom are we going to King of Kings?"She answered,"No we're going to a family reunion in Christ".I was sort of happy to hear that.So I quickly changed.I got a formal blouse and wore my usual "Sunday black pants".I took my watch and my polar bear necklace.I slipped on my golden brown flats.I readied my Bible,keys,and cell phone.Then we all ate breakfast.Then we left the house and it was pouring rain.We were on our way to the Bronx.When we finally reached there we went to Tita Gladys's house.There rows of seats were arranged in the small garage.The cold air was blown into the garage and it smelled like a farm.I sat down and my parents helped tidy up the place.We removed the farm scent by putting a vase of beautiftul flowers on the table which smelled really nice.Later the service started.I was thrilled to see the old friendly faces of my siblings in Christ.I had a heartwarming feeling inside of me,even though I was freezing in the cold.We had Tito Rolly read Psalm 115 and then we started to sing the familiar songs I used to know back then.We sang this one song that really brought me to tears.I couldn't help crying.It was called "Give Us Clean Hands" by Chris Tomlin.There was a part where it said ♫Oh God let us be a generation that seeks,that seeks your face oh God of Jacob.♫It made me think of how sinful and horrible I am and yet God the Maker of this universe would take me in His precious hands and mold me into something beautiful.He would find the time to be mindful of me and place a special plan for me.And I am part of the next generation.It's the same exact thing with every other Christian out there.My one true goal in my life is to figure out what God's plan and purpose is for me and that I can use it to glorify His wonderful and beautiful name.After the praise and worship service we had Mommy Rose Adriano come up and preach.She talked about the plans of God and our faith in Him.Her message truly blessed me.And throughout the Sunday afternoon I was really blessed.It turns out our fellowship together won't die.Sure we might have fallen.But now we can rise from the ashes and live again through the Spirit of the Lord.So let's dust ourselves off and wipe our sorrowful tears.Our mission isn't over yet,it merely begun.And through the trials and problems that occur in our life,we must not focus on the negative things but remember who's in control.We shouldn't be intimidated by the circumstances of this world.Whether they are big or small they are definitely small in God's eyes.And since we are His beloved children He'll take good care of us.There is nothing in this world we should be afraid of.So we've had a rough patch lately but let's remember that the Lord our God,our Father,and our Friend is in control and will do anything to keep us safe.God is in control.He allows certain things in our life to happen so His plans for us will prevail.Everything that's happening in our life,and everything that revolves around us is all a part of God's big plan.

No Worries & No Sweat

I remembered last December I was given a high school application to apply for high schools.My eyes grew wide for I never expected I'd ever do such a thing.I was underneath a lot of pressure and I thought my whole life would depend on it.I signed up for the best schools in Queens.I applied for Benjamin Cardozo,Francis Lewis,Bayside,and then Townsend Harris.I prayed hard to God that I wouldn't end up in my zoned school Flushing High School because I heard a rumor that it was a horrible and dangerous school.A few months later we got our high school results.Mr. Fleischman the guidance counselor came to our room and he announced that he was holding the high school results.Gasps filled the room.Everyone was anxious and scared at the same time.He called every student in alphabetical order.Sometimes I resent having a last name that starts with the letter S.So when he finally called me I felt my heart pound extremely fast and my whole body trembling.I can't tell what made me tremble more,the cold temperature in the classroom or the fear of not getting into a good high school.So I hesitantly took the envelope and went back to my seat.When he called the last student he said,"You may open them".I quickly opened mine, anxious and scared all at once.And there I saw it.I was put into the supplementary level along with 24 other students who didn't get into a high school.I cried hard in front of everyone not caring of what they thought.Rosa and Isabella came to me with sympathy.They patted me on the back and said that everything would be okay.So I applied for the second time with only Bayside and Francis Lewis available.They were the only good schools left.I lived by faith hoping I would get into one of those two schools.I prayed hard again in my mind saying Lord God I don't know what your will is.But whatever it is just let it be done.I shall follow wherever you lead me no matter how hard it will be.I will cling to you.Just please let me go into a good high school.And if you can't do that then protect me if I do have to go the horrible high school....Flushing High School.I know life can be tough,but my burdens are nothing compared to yours.Thank You Lord God for never leaving nor forsaking me.In Jesus Name I pray,Amen.Today May 1, 2009, during Science Mrs. Capitini got a phone call from Mr. Fleischman saying that he needed to see me and a few other people.So we all came to Mr. Fleischman's office and he smiled at all of us.As he handed the envelopes to each of us he named the high school we were going to.I was breathing heavily and silently because I was so nervous.When he called me he said,"Congratulations Dara you're going to Bayside High School!"I sighed in relief and said,"Oh thank God!"Right now I am so happy!I'm actually going to Bayside!!!!!God is wonderful.He would never turn down someone who desperately needs Him.I know that when troubles come my Father in heaven up high will take good care of me.He does the same to all His other children.And He'll do the same to anyone who calls upon His name.Just put your faith in Him and He will light the way through your darkness.

Who Am I That He Would Be Mindful of Me?

Is it true that the creator of this universe could be mindful of me?When there are so many other people in this world longing for help,He would find time to care for me?YES!!!!I'm so amazed by that.I am just a speck of His creation.I'm just a vapor in the wind.I'm a flower quickly wilting away into nothing.I'm the dust in the air.Yet God takes me in His precious hands and uses me to bless others.I'm so shocked by that.Sometimes I cry thinking about that.From the very beginning of time He had placed a special plan for me.Two Sundays ago my mom and I went to Times Square Church.After the service I felt like God spoke into my heart.I heard a voice that said,"Dara write a poem dedicated to IFC".And it hit me right there.I smiled and said to mom what I was going to do.She said,"Dara are you sure about this?People might be offended but even worse...mad".I said,"Mom I don't have to fear anything.I know for sure that God spoke in my heart to do this."I remembered a verse I read a few days ago.Matthew 10:28 it says,"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but can't kill the soul.Instead be afraid of the One who destroy both soul and body in hell".I told mom the verse and she nodded.And yes I know my poem dedicated to IFC (3 stories down) may have hurt some people but I never intended that.I was just telling the truth and the truth may hurt.But the truth also sets you free.Although this may have hurt a few people it also blessed many others.They say I'm gifted with poetry and writing and that makes me smile literally.It makes me feel special inside since I'm nothing but a quiet and shy girl.It's true...how in 1 Corinthians 1:26-28 it talks about God choosing the foolish things of this world to fool the wise.I'm not saying I'm actually foolish but I'm not a kind of girl that's showy and noticeable.I'm quiet and shy and that makes me invisible.Now ever since that poem many people from IFC have been talking about me which I think is pretty cool.But that's not the reason why I wrote this story.I'm here to say that I'm not a very special girl.I'm not a saint either.I'm human and I sin just like others and yet God would be mindful of me and use me to bless others.That really puts a smile on my face.

God's Calling

Every Christian has a calling in this world.We have no idea what our potential is in the Lord.God can use us in such simple ways and yet it could mean so much.Whether it's giving to the needy,spreading the gospel,encouraging others,we could be doing so much.Even I have no clue on what God wants me to do.Sometimes you may have broken hearts,shattered dreams,failed new year's resolutions,and unprevailing goals.Sometimes you hold your hopes high on something that may never come true.I hate to break it to you but sometimes it's true.Things just don't work out.With our human understanding we are ignorant,vulnerable,and clueless.We think we know what's best for us but we just don't.I remember in 6th grade my parents and I went to this agency because I wanted to be an actress,but they turned me down.Maybe that's just not what God's calling is for me.In Proverbs 3:5-6 it said,"Always trust the Lord.Do not rely on your own understanding.In all your ways remember Him.Then He will make your paths smooth and straight."I truly believe this.Our lives just become more complicated when we push things too hard with our own understanding.I cried for weeks after coming to that agency.But now I got over it.I realized that God has a better plan for me.Something that's way better than being an actress.When you let God lead the way,He'll lead you to places you've never dreamed of.He'll lead you places that you've never imagined possible.Just think of the things God can do in your life.We never know where God takes us.The only way we'll ever find out is if we let Him take control of our heart.Let Him be the guidance of your everyday life.If you want to find your true purpose in your life and find your place in this world,let God be the steering wheel of your life,not the spare tire.Here's a song that relates to this situation.

God Speaking - Mandisa