The one time I confess one of my possible career choices...

My friends laugh at me.... XD Hah, I really don't blame them though. It does seem out of the ordinary anyway. How many people would ever choose such a direction? I've told my friends numerous times, that after dropping my dream of "becoming a lawyer" I skeptically told them...that I really didn't know what I want to be anymore. But for a long while now, I've always had the thought to become...a pastor, a missionary, or something in between the lines there. I love talking about God and teaching His Word never tires me out. On a lousy day, a conversation's topic on God revives me. Ever since last year, God somehow used me to start openly speaking His name on my high school grounds. When people told I should be a pastor one day, I just laughed and said, "Nah, maybe not."

For months long, I've prayed about my future. The words throbbed in my mind and heart, "Lord, I still don't know what I should be. I know no matter where I am or what I do, I'm supposed to be honoring you. I wish I can directly hear Your voice, like the people did, long before Christ. If I can hear your directly command me to pursue something, I will do it instantly without hesitation. I love You God, so much."

Just two nights ago, I felt a strong urge to turn to God in prayer. It was a long time, since I took a moment to pray aloud from my heart. I always ended up praying silently in my mind. I wanted to meditate and embrace my Bible. I just prayed to God about the current things happening and then...I suddenly cried about my unknown future. Instead of praying what I would be, I just prayed that God could take care of everything.

I started reading at Romans 10. I smiled at the verse which I had highlighted and starred: Romans 10:13. Then the next few lines...were just breathtaking. I read, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?" (Rom 10:14) My mind shouted, "Amen!" "...And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" (Rom 10:14-16) I started weeping even more from that point. No matter how long or short it takes, God will always answer your prayers. Be patient, because He doesn't mean to leave you hanging. He just wants to answer you at the right moment. That night, I felt like that was God's command, speaking to me from His word. God really does speak in different ways. And I feel like these are one of the many amazing moments, when God's word will directly speak to you.
Today at the lunch table, my friend Sameena said, "Well, I don't know what Dara will do, but I'm sure she'll find out one day. We never know, she might pursue something under religion." At that point, I broke all suppression and let out my confession. "Actually...I did think of something. To tell you the truth, I thought of one day becoming a pastor." Both my friends started laughing, ironically even my Christian friend (Sameena). I smiled, because I knew I'd get such a reaction. I jokingly and bluntly asked, "What?!" Then Sameena said, "Well, it's possible." Then my other friend remarked, "What? I never see any pastors who are girls. They're all men." I responded, "Oh gosh, Mabel. You don't know. The generations have changed. There are many female pastors out there today."

So the idea is overwhelming in my head. With God, you must always expect the unexpected, but always know that it is good. I don't know if I'll ever be a pastor per se, but I pray that I can do something worthwhile for as long as I'm on this earth. I feel like it's kind of awkward to call it a "career" but rather a passion. I'd gladly go to Bible school, because I know I have so much yet to learn. The Word of God is my breath and Jesus Christ is my love and life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me one day. ♥

If you're reading this, please do pray for me. :) I know I'm growing up and still have a lot more to face in life.

Indirect Evangelism

I'm always the kid in school, managing to ramble on a conversation about God. It doesn't matter who it's with. I'd always end up talking about Him, even in the school grounds. It's obvious, that whoever's around me will hear the things I say. Lately, I touched the topic about the end of the world. Just in the last week, a friend came to me and asked me if I could explain it a little more, which I happily did. We were sitting in the cafeteria table. I was too ecstatic, that I completely neglected to eat my pizza.

As our conversation went on, she told me, "Oh, I should get a bible," with a smile on her face. "Yeah, you should!" I excitedly exclaimed. I questioned out of curiosity, "Do your parents go to church?" She replied, "No, they're Buddhist." I was shocked in the inside, because I assumed that she was already Christian, just curious with questions. In that very moment, I thanked the Lord inside my head and thought, "Lord, please continue to work in her." She laughed and told me, "My grandma is Buddhist. I wonder what my grandma would think if I changed my religion. She might get mad." I smiled and then said, "You know, a lot of people tend to just follow the traditions and religions that their families have already chosen. What I can say is that what matters is what you believe in. Jesus Christ said that He is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through him, in John 14:6." Then I quoted the well known John 3:16 verse and explained that to be born again and to see the kingdom [John 3:3], you just have to put faith in the Son. I talked about the whole purpose in becoming a new creation in Christ and letting go of the old, carnal, sinful nature. 

I promised her that once I had the money, I'd buy her a Bible myself. As soon as our lunch period was over, we walked down the hall together. Before walking into her class, she thanked me and I said, "You're welcome." I walked off, in a joyous daze, because I witnessed another miracle before my eyes. God does the most amazing things in the most unexpected times, and He'll use anybody; regular people like you and me. Little did I know that she was raised as a Buddhist. It was practically indirect evangelism. I thought it was a very beautiful moment.

Just earlier this week, she asked me further questions about the end times. I pulled out my Bible and we read from Revelations 20. I accidentally distracted myself when many other people spoke to me in the lunch table. She pulled my Bible and began reading herself. I saw that she was truly inspired. I just kept thanking God in my head, knowing that He is surely molding her. I offered her to borrow my bible (since I still can't buy one) and she accepted to take it. 

Witnessing another life touched by Jesus Christ, is always the most beautiful and exciting thing. God is good. God is so good!

2 Peter 3:8-9 "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

I surrendered

I stayed home today. I was too overwhelmed, plus that fever really hindered me. Hopefully, missing school today won't kill me for next week. As far as I know...I got 4 essays to do by the end of this weekend, plus another essay by next Friday. I cannot wait until winter "break." But even then, it's not really much of a break if the teachers will pour an avalanche of homework on me. This is my junior year [yet I know college will be worst]. *sigh* Well, this is the beautiful life. The ironic part is, I'm not saying that with sarcasm. No matter what you face, you still have got to find the beauty in life. And the beauty is the fact that God woke you up to another day and that He is always in control. It's in the hands of God that I find my eternal, endless hope. Thank you Jesus Christ. ♥

God is not a God of disappointments

Many yield the warning, to never put hope in other people, because they'll only let you down. That has always been true in my whole lifetime. So why do I end up putting hope in people? Why do I end up trusting? Why do I make myself vulnerable, only to get hurt? I have no idea.

How many times does this have to be stressed in life? How many times must we face bitter experiences? How many times must we be let down or hurt? How many times do our hearts have to break?

All in all, we realize the pattern placed in our lives. It all ends the same way. People let down people. People are imperfect. People change. People come and go. People don't stay forever.

And this is the reason why we've got to put our hope in something bigger...someone...someone greater than man, someone such as God. You know that God will never leave you nor forsake you. He'll always be there for you. He feels what you feel and so He sympathizes with you.

Don't ever feel like God has let you down. The people and the world can let you down, but God is not a God of disappointments. We all know that not everything goes our way. But that's because not everything we want or believe is best for us...is really the best for us at all. We don't always understand the will of God, but He always wants the best for us. We can only let Him make the way, if we believe and trust in Him.

Through every struggle and storm in this life, through tears, laughter and joy, God will be here for us. He is the best friend, that we don't always acknowledge or give enough appreciation to. He's the One who gives infinitive and undeserved love, love sometimes left unrequited. This is the unconditional love, that humanity doesn't always clearly see. But I guess that's the whole point of grace.

Unconditional love, isn't from man who is naturally prone to hatred and revenge, but from the God who has everlasting mercy and teaches us to love and forgive. And so you see the love that was placed on that cross. A Savior and a King who dies for the people who rejected Him. God continues to shine sunlight upon a world so dark. His mercies renewed every single day. Hope still exists through the time of your life. Unrequited love, kindness, and affection will always hurt. God feels this pain all the time, with His own creations too. However, hurt once, hurt twice, hurt thrice, God will not be the one to hurt you. He's the One to heal you and make you whole and brand new.

During times of disappointment, we shake our heads at humanity. We're all broken in the inside, and little do most of us know that we need fixing. The greatest place we can put our hope is God. Maybe the idea and truth can't be expressed enough in this life; even when the world lets us down, God will never let us down.

The most heart breaking thing, is to see an unbeliever grieve about death and loss.

In the afternoon, my friend had a phone call about her grandfather passing away. Seeing her cry, made me cry. My two other friends and me, did the least we could, hugging her and patting her on the back, saying "We're here for you, be strong." As a Christian, you know what's beyond this temporal life and death. And I wanted to say, "Death isn't the dead end." But the thing is, there are only two ways to go. My friends and I said our goodbyes, giving our last hugs to her. I rode the bus home, feeling shattered in the inside, grieving for my friend's loss. I arrived home and felt deeply compelled, to take a moment in meditation. I took my Bible and turned to 1 John 5. As I started reading the chapter, the tears already started to pour. It talked about Jesus Christ and the faith that overcomes the world. It struck me so hard when I landed on the verse, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." (1 John 5:11-12) I whimpered, cried, and lost control of my sanity. I began feeling the pain that God feels everyday. He sees His creations He loves, disregarding and turning away from Him, living empty lives, living among the world. They might have heard of Him, they might have not. But many don't know Him; know the Creator; know the One who died for them. But faith truly does come from hearing the word of God. So I cried and prayed, kneeling against the floor. I prayed for the Body of Christ, because the action and effort is overdue. There's a reason why we need to spread the good news. There's a reason why there are four gospels in the Bible. There's a reason why Jesus Christ commanded us to make disciples of all nations. God doesn't want us to remain in one spot, lying in our comfort zones, not opening the mouths that He gave us to speak. What are we Christians doing, casually living our lives from day to day? Are we called to eat, sleep, work, and live like everyone else? No! We are called for greater things. So many die, without hearing the truth. But it starts with us, to take the actions and share the truth. Faith without the action is dead. So God impressed one thing in my heart, and it's that: for as long as I live, I will never shut up about God. I will always talk about Him, making sure that people hear of Him. It does not matter if I sound like a broken record, because I know the words and truth I say from God will last for eternity. Everyone deserves a chance. No one should live their whole life on earth, without hearing the name of Jesus Christ.