Lately....

I’ve been scared for a lot of thing.I’m afraid if I’ll pass all my finals.I’m scared about the Regents coming up.I’ve been very concerned about the final grades on my transcript.Has it been that way all year long in high school?I’m talking about fear.Has fear been preoccupying me all this time?I feel so ashamed.Ashamed that I would be so wrapped into these cirumcstances.Now,I’m not saying that all freshman year,I was fearing over finals and whatnot.But the thing was…almost every single day the thought in my mind was "Let’s get through this day.Let’s get though this week.Let’s through this marking period."Was I living my life day in and day out emotionless?I study hard the night before every test.(I know..not a good habit)I get squashed with piles of homework everyday.Sometimes I end up with only 3 or 4 hours of sleep.I never sleep the required 8 hours.When I look at how I’ve been living this whole freshman year,I feel so empty inside,like all along I’ve been a lifeless zombie.Yes on a weekly basis,I take out my bible for comfort.But for a the past couple of months,I’ve realized that I haven’t been praying to God necessarily every day.Well,most of the time I do pray.But there are nights when I drop dead in bed,and because I’m so tired, I forget to pray.Can I deny the truth?Not at all.And it makes me want to cry,seeing how I’ve neglected so many things.I feel like I’ve been washed out along the current of the sea and all I’ve ever been doing was going with the flow.What happened to my purpose here in this world?Surely,I’m living here for so much more.God put me in this world for a reason.And I need to fulfill that reason.I want to live and breathe life again.I want God to move me again.I want to cry out tears and lose my sane for God again.Because it feels so good when I do that.I don’t care what the world thinks.I want to be that same old Dara again who was once crazy for God and everyday I had a good reason to smile.So it’s time to pick myself up and dust myself off.It’s time that I pick up the phone from the wake up call.I’m done with sleeping.It’s time that I start living life again…no matter what the circumstances are.