"Something you have to forgive yourself for" from Tumblr

So…something I have to forgive myself for?Well,with every mistake I’ve done in the past, I have to forgive myself.You know why?Because with every mistake I repent to God,He has forgiven already.So why should I hang onto it?It will just make me sad when I don’t have to be.God’s a loving God who offers many chances.If I keep holding onto the past and keep regretting,how could I have ever possibly start fresh in a new beginning.How could I ever live my life happy?

In 1 John 1:19 it says,”But God is faithful and fair.If we admit that we have sinned,he will forgive us our sins.He will forgive every wrong thing we have done.He will make us pure.” So this is definitely something to smile about.I’ve done so many things in the past that still bring me pain every time I think about it.I was a complete jerk.But ever heard of the quote,”Burn down the bridges?”

It means I should forget about the past and leave it behind.I’ve been made new as a person and nothing’s gonna tear me down now.I did so many terrible things,I thought God could never take me back.But man,God’s love is so infinite and unconditional.

Because I gave up all I used to be,I am a changed person now.People nowadays look at me and say,”Dara,you’re so pure” or “You’re so religious.” Well….for one thing,I’ve tried to narrow down to people is that my faith in Jesus Christ is none other than a personal relationship.And another thing is…not all my life,was I a ‘clean’ person like I am today.I used to be a very bitter,cold,and mean person.I used to have such a bad mouth and used to curse in every sentence.I used not care about school.During that time,I was so far away from the Lord.Worst of all,there was a time I used to hate God and I actually lost my faith in Him.I was a sick and lost person.But somehow,through it all,I felt like there was something more to look forward to in life.That somehow,in this corrupted world,there was something more out that universe.Those thoughts kept tugging on my heart.I decided to get down on my knees and surrender all I had to a God that I couldn’t see.I started seeking Him wholeheartedly.

In Jeremiah 29:13 the Lord speaks,”If you look fore you wholeheartedly,you will find me.” And that’s exactly what happened.Now,for me to change,it didn’t happen overnight or in a blink of an eye.It took months….practically a year.I told my old ‘best friend’ that I had the goal to change my mouth.She ridiculed me and said,”Haha,once you start cursing you can never stop!” I was disappointed in her because she was so pessimistic and had no faith in the possibility of change.At that time,I expected her as my ‘best friend’ to even encourage me with my goal.For many months,I struggled to change.Sometimes those ugly words would spill out my mouth over and over again.But I kept trying to change because I believed that there was nothing impossible with God.I even tried control the words in my mind.You know why?Because cursing in your mind is just as bad as cursing out loud.If God knows every word that comes out of your mouth,He knows every word that flows in your mind.He knows all your thoughts.

In the chapter of Matthew 15 the Pharisees attempt to find fault with Jesus’s disciples,pointing out how they don’t wash their hands before they eat.In Matthew 15:11 Jesus Christ says,”What goes into your mouth does not make you ‘unclean’.It’s what comes out of your mouth that make you ‘unclean.’”

Basically,Jesus was talking about a person’s speech.A.K.A. profanity.This verse meant a lot to me.And during that time,I knew there was something wrong if a Christian would curse.It’s just not right,and God doesn’t approve of it.Eventually,in 8th grade I totally stopped cursing,from my mouth and my head.That made me very happy.And because I move a lot (23 times),I meet many different new people.And these new people in my life would have never guessed the type of person I used to be.Seriously. XD It’s funny how that works.In the beginning of 2009,I thought it would be best if I started reading the Bible more.And man,it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life!I was truly moved by the Holy Spirit since then.I totally had a new perspective in my life.I learned what it was like to finally be happy and to be free from sin.And when I look at the changes in me,I can truly say God is real and He does exist.Even though I can’t see Him,I can feel Him.God is so gracious and merciful.Even after I backslid,He still came after me and gave me the chance to change.Somehow,He saw the person who I could be and turned that into reality.It was all a part of His plan.“I’m not what I’ve done,I’m what I’ve overcome.” It’s from a song called,”What I’ve Overcome” by Fireflight.Haha here I am again typing so much. X) But basically I’m just trying to say,that as a human being,I’ve done a lot of stupid mistakes.But I have forgive myself for everything wrong I’ve done.Despite my imperfections,I have to learn to love myself.Because….God loves me.I have hope.I know I’m not alone.And as I continue to get through the rest of my life here on this earth,I will hang onto the hope that God has given me.God truly changed my life.And everyday,every hour,every minute,and in every second,God is working to change another person’s life.I’m just so grateful I got to know God.Me.I was once a despicable, unworthy, and hypocritical person.Yet,God would care to look my way and guide me to change into the person He wants me to be.He broke my chains and set me free.And hallelujah!Because of how great God has been to me,I would like to show others how great He is.It’s not fair that not everyone can see things this way.

In 2 Corinthians 4:18 Paul says,”So we don’t spend all our time looking at what we can see.Instead,we look at what can’t see.What can be seen lasts only a short time.But what can’t be seen will last forever.”

So I hope I can do things worthwhile during my lifetime here on this earth.I want to share the gospel and tell everyone about God.

Not Going Through This Battle Alone

I had a long and tedious day today.I was on my way home,relieved to know it was another lovely Friday.Better yet,I got over all my finals.I rushed over hastily down Main Street,to make it to my bus.Thankfully,I reached it just in time.I slipped my card in and then retrieved it.I lethargically sat down and slouched a little in my seat.It had been a long day for me.I stared blankly into space as the bus driver began to drive.I saw this young teenager who was about 16 or 17?I really don’t know.But I saw him take out a petite little book.I thought to myself hey,what is he reading?I noticed how the sides of the pages were golden and the words were all neatly aligned into two columns in each page.It made me think wait,is he reading the Bible?My eyes constantly bounced back and forth from his book to some other place.I didn’t want him to think that I was staring at him.Because that would be awkward. o_o Honestly,I was just curious to see if he was reading the Bible or not.When it was his stop,I saw him close his book.At the side it said NLT.Turns out,that means New Living Translation.I thought cool!!It is the Bible!!! Sometimes,it feels overwhelming to know that we’re living in a world which we know isn’t our permanent home.But of course,that thought can help us to remember that we have to be strong and that God is still there to help us carry through.It really blessed me though,to see another person,at such a young age,to read the Bible in a public place,such as the bus.And from this whole freshman year,I have met tons of people,who I can say are real Christians.It makes me happy to know that I am not alone.This world is a big place full of many different people.But through the flood of crowded people,there are also many souls who are saved by Jesus Christ.It just overwhelms me,because it’s been so many months since the last time I attended church.I’m just comforted by the reminder that I’m not going through this battle alone.And I thank God for this reminder.

Lately....

I’ve been scared for a lot of thing.I’m afraid if I’ll pass all my finals.I’m scared about the Regents coming up.I’ve been very concerned about the final grades on my transcript.Has it been that way all year long in high school?I’m talking about fear.Has fear been preoccupying me all this time?I feel so ashamed.Ashamed that I would be so wrapped into these cirumcstances.Now,I’m not saying that all freshman year,I was fearing over finals and whatnot.But the thing was…almost every single day the thought in my mind was "Let’s get through this day.Let’s get though this week.Let’s through this marking period."Was I living my life day in and day out emotionless?I study hard the night before every test.(I know..not a good habit)I get squashed with piles of homework everyday.Sometimes I end up with only 3 or 4 hours of sleep.I never sleep the required 8 hours.When I look at how I’ve been living this whole freshman year,I feel so empty inside,like all along I’ve been a lifeless zombie.Yes on a weekly basis,I take out my bible for comfort.But for a the past couple of months,I’ve realized that I haven’t been praying to God necessarily every day.Well,most of the time I do pray.But there are nights when I drop dead in bed,and because I’m so tired, I forget to pray.Can I deny the truth?Not at all.And it makes me want to cry,seeing how I’ve neglected so many things.I feel like I’ve been washed out along the current of the sea and all I’ve ever been doing was going with the flow.What happened to my purpose here in this world?Surely,I’m living here for so much more.God put me in this world for a reason.And I need to fulfill that reason.I want to live and breathe life again.I want God to move me again.I want to cry out tears and lose my sane for God again.Because it feels so good when I do that.I don’t care what the world thinks.I want to be that same old Dara again who was once crazy for God and everyday I had a good reason to smile.So it’s time to pick myself up and dust myself off.It’s time that I pick up the phone from the wake up call.I’m done with sleeping.It’s time that I start living life again…no matter what the circumstances are.