I have a feeling in my heart.It's usually rare that I'd feel this way.Rare that I'd cry uncontrollably and lose my sane all because of the love and mercy He has given me.This love that is so strong and precious.I don't ever want to lose it or take it for granted.It's the greatest love of all.No one else could possibly offer it.Do you know who I'm talking about?Still trying to guess?It's God!The holy,almighty,and most high God loves me...pitiful me.I'm not trying to condemn myself.But from the very beginning I was separated from Him because of sin.But He took me back.He fought just to take me back.He suffered,died,and resurrected just to take me back.I'm just a speck of His creation.I'm only human.I disappoint Him.But He went through all that because He loves me.And He went through all that also because He loves everyone else...unconditionally.All my life I had my own struggles to face.I had my ups and my downs.My faith was like a roller coaster before.When I was a little girl,I really loved Jesus so much.I'd dance,sing,and clap up to the point I lost my sane.People called me "little Jesus freak" or "God crazy".But a few years after I was up for a bumpy road.I backslid then asked for forgiveness.I was close to God at some point,then far away at another.After years until now I fully changed and turned 360° around.Back then I thought that reading the Bible was boring.But last year a pastor convicted me to read it more.He kept saying so many verses to me from the top of his head.My eyes grew big with shock.So when January came I started off with the book of Matthew.I learned so many things and was so fascinated by Jesus's beautiful words.I especially loved the figurative language.Then I read John,1 Corinthians,and so forth.Now I'm reading Acts.I believe that reading the Bible is the best decision I've ever made.It changed my life completely.Living life was more easy,that even with difficulties around I still smiled.I began to have different views of the world.And lately I've been showered with blessings,even with ones I didn't ask for.This year I've never been more close to God than now.We are inseparable.It's such an amazing experience.I just came from Blue Mountain this weekend.It brought me close to God as well.I declared my faith in Jesus publicly through water baptism for the very first time.When we were singing I felt tears streaming down my face.Uncontrollably, I cried.Word after word,lyric after lyric,the simple little songs that never made me cry,made me cry there.I felt the presence of God there and Holy Spirit dancing within me.Then I did something I never did before in public,church,or in front of people.I lifted my hands high as I sang and cried with shaky voice.Then today we had a preacher named Jeff Clark.He talked about how God WANTS us because He LOVES us."God wants you!God loves you!"He boldly declared.The words rang out into my ears.My eyes welled up with tears.I found myself crying uncontrollably once again.Just the thought of the righteous almighty God loving me just makes me cry.Jeff Clark said that we don't need to go to drastic measures or go over the top just to serve God.The light we shine for the world is already enough.We don't have to change anything for God to love us.All we have to do is let Him embrace us.We should just trust Him and let Him lead the way for what He wants us to do.It made me cry even more when he said that.These past few months I was trying so hard to do something for God.I was so weary of my every action and every step.But just today I realize that God loves me for the way I am.I don't need to change anything.I said that I wanted to be used by God for His glory.But I was wrong for being so determined in the wrong time.I should just wait and see in God's perfect time when He will use me and let me make a difference.Later on my parents brought me the the preacher.They asked him to pray for me.He asked for my name and age.And just instantly he prayed for me as if he knew me personally.I guess the Holy Spirit gave him a discernment about me.He prayed that I wouldn't be fearful.He prayed that I could be an example to my friends and family.He prayed about my future and what God has in store for me.He said that He was thankful that I knew that God loved me and that I knew God well.When He ended the prayer he smiled at me and said "God bless you Dara".His prayer blessed me and made me cry.Right now I'm back home.My experience in Blue Mountain will always be memorable.And I learned that God loves me just as I am and I don't need to go crazy in serving Him.For now I'll just go on with this life.I'll do my daily routine and do as I always do.I'll talk to God everyday.I'll be the salt and light.I'll be an oddball yet outshine the rest.I'll preserve souls with the salt that I pour.Until then I'll just live as Dara Jane Sy simply because He loves me.
